Sunday, October 11
Work was okay today, but I felt exhausted by the end of the day. I ended up going for a 6km run, which didn’t feel amazing from a mental perspective, but I’m still glad I got out the door. Eventually, I decided I was probably PMSing, and while I didn’t magically feel better, I knew that I would probably feel better in a day or so.
Monday, October 12
Sure enough, I woke up feeling a lot better! It might have something to do with the fact that I slept better than I have the past few days…
My coach gave me a new set of workouts for the week, and I decided to run one today! The workout is another 3km tempo run, but this time I was given the instructions to negative split the workout, meaning that I needed to run each km progressively faster. My splits were 5:36, 5:26, and 5:17, so I succeeded! I ran 6km in total.
Tuesday, October 13
Today I went to the post office, and was triggered: The staff were limiting who could enter the post office so I had to argue my way in (I had a pre-scheduled appointment), a guy cut me in line because he didn’t hear his number called, so I confronted him…and then learned that the package notice I received was a duplicate from the package I collected last week, so I went through everything for nothing. I was then overcome by a full-body tiredness, and just so over everything.
I decided to not run today, and I turned in at 9pm. I didn’t fall asleep for awhile, but I just couldn’t deal with any additional stimuli.
Wednesday, October 14
I woke up feeling better today. Anxiety is weird, hormones are weird, the pandemic is weird. #HotTakeAlert
After work, I decided to do my interval run for the week! These are usually my favorite workout.
1.6km warm-up 6 * (3min fast, 3min slow) 1.6km cool down
During the workout I didn’t pay much attention to my actual paces, I just made sure that the fast parts were fast but at a pace I could sustain for 3 minutes without struggling to breathe. When I checked my paces after the workout, I saw that the fast parts all hovered around 5:30min/km, and I was pleased.
Although the workout went well, when I came home I was nevertheless overwhelmed with sadness again. Talking to Lior helped (so did sushi), and I decided to look for a therapist tomorrow.
As an aside–when I left for the US in April 2019, the plan was to finish out my summer with the Tzofim, go to London for a few months, and then return to Israel in February 2020, get a new job, and make new friends. That summer I was anxious and overwhelmed by work–which was typical for a Caravan summer (hell, my first summer with the program I was so stressed that I experienced more hair loss than normal). In London, I was extremely anxious, started getting claustrophobia-induced panic attacks, and felt extremely lonely and alone (minus Lior). When we returned to Israel, COVID-19 was already a known thing, but nobody knew that it would become a global pandemic. While I did manage to find a job that I enjoy, my life is still in limbo, and I still feel like I’m waiting for “what comes next”. This isn’t exactly a unique situation, but it’s still difficult.
Thursday, October 15
Today I took an online Pilates class before work. Depending on the new lockdown procedures to being on Sunday, the teacher may begin to move classes back outdoors! Yay, human interaction!
Today I began a new project at work. Technically it’s a pseudo homework assignment, to make sure I understand how to use the software.
Even more importantly–I found recommendations for English-speaking therapists in Israel, and found a therapist who specializes in working with Olim. In case she doesn’t reply, I also found a therapist in my health insurance network and booked an intake appointment for early November. As with many things, the search and booking process was actually very simple, yet for unknown reasons (just kidding, it’s my anxiety!), I put it off. However, I’m finally ready to follow my own rule, and stop complaining about a problem and work towards a solution.
After work, I set out to complete my third running workout for the week–a 10km long run. I kept the pace slow and steady, and although there were several times when I wanted to walk, I didn’t! It’s still frustrating to be a lot slower than I used to be, but it’s also very satisfying to see my progress.
In the evening, Lior and I did something we’ve been discussing for awhile–we booked flights to the US to go and visit my parents! We both have approval from our jobs to work remotely, and tickets (with free date changes) were super cheap. I can’t wait to see my family, and as an added bonus, Lior will get to celebrate his first American Thanksgiving! Important note–we are not getting married or doing any wedding-related things on this visit.
Friday, October 16
I woke up feeling a bit sore. At first I was concerned that it’s due to the slightly higher mileage lately, but then I remembered yesterday’s Pilates class, and felt marginally better about myself. The soreness remained throughout the day, so I decided not to run.
Shortly after waking up, I received a great phone call–the therapist I emailed yesterday called me back, we had a short conversation, and scheduled my intake appointment for Tuesday! She sounded incredibly nice over the phone, and I cannot wait to meet with her.
Today I also got my period for the first time in over a year (due to the birth control medication I take). Have my hormones been out of whack due to crazy PMS? Probably! Do I still have issues with anxiety? Definitely! So this changes nothing re: therapy, but I also feel incredibly uplifted today.
In the early afternoon Lior and I went grocery shopping, and then had a chill afternoon at home.
Saturday, October 17
Today I did the unthinkable and woke up earlier on the weekend that I do during the week! However, this was for a good purpose! My running coach got a group of people together to run and then eat breakfast while practicing social distance. As an added bonus, the event started near my apartment! I went for a 5.1km run, and then we had a potluck breakfast, and Lior joined!
Afterwards, I was a lazy bum and enjoyed doing nothing.
Sunday, October 18
Sure, this is the beginning of a new week, but it’s also the last day of the Great South Run Solo challenge! After work, I ran 5km, and felt pretty good, minus the anxiety I sometimes feel when the boardwalk is crowded.
With this run, I also completed 200km/125miles, which was an additional distance portion of the challenge.
Total Distance: 41.25km, Challenge 43/25 complete, 1 pilates class
Challenge completed–now, to find the next one!